Making Peace
by mncali
Summary: R/R, M/C...Ross has been gone for eight years, leaving behind his wife and two children. So what happens when he returns? EPILOGUE UP!
1. Part One

(Note: This takes place eight years after Ross left Rachel. They were married, with twins, Josh and Gracie, who were two, but Ross left. Ross and Rachel got married soon after they started dating, so there was never any "We were on a break" or London)  
  
My son and daughter, Josh and Gracie, I 'm leaving this note for you both to read when you are older. I know you never really knew me, but I hope this leaves you with some idea of who I am. My name is Ross Geller, and I am madly in love with three people- your mom-Rachel, and you guys. Unfortunately, I screwed up big time with your mom. I hope that after all this time, she's settled down again and found someone else to love. She deserves someone great. I just want you guys to know that I love you so very, very much and I'm so very sorry for leaving. I hope someday you'll be able to understand why I left. I hope you guys achieve all the dreams you have for yourselves. Reach for the stars. I love you both. All my love,  
  
Ross Geller  
Rachel sighed softly. How many times had she read that note? Ross had left it for Josh and Gracie, she knew, but on the front of the envelope, he'd written that it was okay for her to read it too. She wiped away her tears and set the letter back on the table, glancing at her only link to the husband she hadn't seen in years. Why had Ross left a letter for Gracie and Josh.but not her? It'd been eight years since Ross had left. The eight longest years of her life. Eight years of raising two children completely by herself. Eight years of answering questions about their father. Eight years of wondering if Ross would ever be in her life again. Eight years of pain.  
  
She would never know why Ross had left. If she didn't know, she didn't get why he expected Gracie and Josh to "understand" why he'd left. She glanced around the apartment. It was the same apartment she'd lived in eight years ago, when Ross had left. She'd never been able to move. Because in her heart, she still believed that someday he'd come back. And she wanted to be there when he did.  
  
Rachel gathered up her strength and put the letter away. She had two children to live for. She couldn't be crying all the time. She went into Josh's room, and saw her son sitting on his bed, still in his pajamas. "Josh!" she scolded, "Get dressed, now. Your cousins will be here any minute." She went into her daughter's room and repeated the process with Gracie. Her two ten year olds were never good at getting up in the morning. When Ross had been around, he'd helped her with the twins. He'd gotten Josh up and ready, while she'd gotten Gracie ready. Now she had to do it alone.  
  
She went back and cleaned up the living room a little. Suddenly, the door flew open and two children came in. "Hi Aunt Rachel!" a little voice boomed. Rachel smiled as Monica and Chandler's six-year-old daughter Emma flew into the room. Trailing behind her were Monica and Chandler, their four-year-old son Zachary in Chandler's arms. Rachel couldn't help but notice that Chandler's arm slipped around his wife's waist, and that he was looking at her lovingly. She sighed. She was incredibly jealous of Monica and Chandler. The Bings were a family. That's all she wanted for Josh and Gracie.  
  
After Ross had left, Chandler and Monica had realized how perfect they were for each other and they'd gotten together, and fallen in love. Now they were married, with two perfect little children. And it was easy to see how in love they were. Rachel hadn't seen a day go by where Chandler didn't kiss his wife and whisper, "I love you", and Monica always responded with an, "I love you, too". And Emma and Zachary were such happy children.not that Gracie and Josh weren't, but not having a father around was taking it's toll.  
  
"Are you sure you don't mind taking the kids today?" Rachel asked worriedly.  
  
Monica came over to hug her best friend. "Don't even worry about it. You know we love Josh and Gracie."  
  
"Yeah, Rach," Chandler said, coming over to her, "You just relax today. Besides," he smiled, "I get to take Josh and Zachary to a Knicks game. Good thing, too, since Mon's taking Emma and Gracie shopping"  
  
"Are Uncle Joey and the boys coming?" Zachary asked excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, buddy, they are. Hey, why don't you go find Josh and get him moving, okay?" Chandler said, knowing Rachel wanted to talk to them without the kids around. Zachary ran off to Josh's room.  
  
"You gonna be okay, Rachel? Do you want me to stay with you?" Monica asked.  
  
"No, I'm fine. Chandler can't take Emma and Gracie to the game anyway."  
  
"Okay," Monica smiled, "But call if you need anything. I'm sure I can find someone to watch Emma and Gracie. And Phoebe's home today, too, if you need her."  
  
"I'm fine. I just.need to be alone. Thanks for taking the twins."  
  
"No problem," Chandler said, "I know this day sucks, Rachel, but it'll all be okay tomorrow." Rachel smiled at Chandler's attempt to comfort her, and both Monica and Chandler pulled her into a hug. A few minutes later, Josh and Gracie were ready and Monica and Chandler left with the four kids. Rachel sat down on the couch, and began to let the tears fall. Today would have been her eleventh wedding anniversary.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! 


	2. Part Two

(Thanks bunches for the kind reviews...this part gets kinda corny, but bear with it, and then please review! thanks)  
  
Part Two  
  
That night, Monica lay in bed with her husband, warm and comfortable in his arms like she had been for eight years. For her, the past eight years had been filled with love, warmth, and happiness. She'd fallen in love with the most wonderful man in the world, she'd married him, and they'd had two beautiful children. But Rachel's life for the past eight years had been horrible. Monica remembered when Gracie and Josh had been born, when Rachel had been happily married. Monica had been incredibly jealous of Rachel. And now Rachel was the one who was jealous of Monica.  
  
Monica felt Chandler kissing her neck softly. "You asleep?" he whispered.  
  
"No," she said quietly, "I can't sleep. I was thinking about Rachel."  
  
"Me too," he admitted, "This must be awful for her. I know we all try to forget about him," Chandler said. They hardly ever referred to Ross by name. He was simply "him", "but every time I look at Josh." Monica nodded. Josh was his father's identical twin.  
  
"I know. It's so hard to believe. I actually used to be jealous of Rachel. Now I just wish I could do something, anything. I just want to help her. But there's really no way to give her the one thing she wants, is there?"  
  
Chandler shook his head. "I guess not." He couldn't believe, that after eight years, Ross hadn't even contacted his sister. Monica's parents even claimed Ross hadn't contacted them. But both Chandler and Monica knew he had-Jack and Judy would have the police dispatched after two days if he hadn't. But they wouldn't give out any information about where Ross was. "You know only one good thing came out of this?"  
  
"Us?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, kissing his wife gently. After Ross had left, Monica had been extremely upset-after all, Ross was her brother, and she'd thought Rachel might blame Monica. Chandler had comforted Monica in her time of need, and Monica realized that she had feelings for Chandler. Chandler had had feelings for Monica for years, so they'd gotten together. They'd married about a year later, and now, with their two children, Chandler had never been happier. But every day, there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, that while he was incredibly happy-he knew Rachel was not. Sometimes, he almost felt guilty for being so happy. And he knew Monica felt the same way.  
  
Rachel lay in bed that night, alone, wondering if this day would ever get any easier. This was the eighth time she'd been alone on her anniversary, but it absolutely had not gotten easier. She sighed and got out of bed. There was no use trying to sleep. She wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight. She pulled on a robe and shivered. Every since Ross had left, she'd always been cold. She'd never been able to get warm, no matter what she tried. She walked into the living room and looked around, remembering the day she and Ross had gotten this apartment. They'd lived across the street from Monica and Chandler, but with twins on the way, they needed more space. Ross had been lucky enough to find a three bedroom apartment just seconds away from their old one. Gracie and Josh had shared a room when they'd moved in, and they'd left the other bedroom undecorated. But Rachel had always figured Ross would be around to decorate it with her. But when she finally figured that Gracie and Josh needed their own rooms, she found herself decorating alone.  
  
She thought about Monica and Chandler. Chandler had gotten a promotion and he and Monica had bought not only apartment 20, but apartment 22 as well. They'd knocked out the wall and had a gorgeous, airy apartment. And Chandler had helped Monica decorate it every step of the way. Rachel brushed away her thoughts and wandered into Gracie's room, watching her daughter sleep. Gracie rarely complained about not having a father. She didn't mention, it, really. Gracie didn't talk much. She said what needed to be said, she didn't waste her time saying pointless stuff. She so much like Ross in that way. Even though Gracie looked just like Rachel, she had so many of Ross's qualities.  
  
Rachel left Gracie's room and went into Josh's room. As she glanced around the Knicks themed room, she saw her son sleeping in the midst of it. Josh was definitely affected by not having a father. He'd told Rachel more times than she could count that he didn't want to talk to her-he wanted to talk to his dad. Not that Chandler and Joey hadn't been wonderful father figures for both her children. They did loads of stuff for Josh, taking him to games, coming to his school events, everything. But deep down, Rachel knew that Josh knew Chandler was Zachary's Dad, not his. It was the same for Joey-after Ross had left Joey had gotten married and now had four little boys of his own. Rachel sighed and went back to her bedroom. Dwelling on it wasn't going to make it better, she knew.  
  
A few days later, Rachel had settled back into her routine. One day, after picking the kids up from school, she came home to find Monica and Chandler's Christmas card in her mail. Accompanying the card was a letter,  
  
Dear Friends and Family, Merry Christmas 2002! We hope this letter finds you all happy, healthy, and prepared for 2003! It's been a busy year for our family. We kicked it off with a trip to Disney World last February and Emma and Zachary had a great time meeting all their "idols". We were just happy that we could keep up! Zachary is four years old now and in preschool full time. He even has homework occasionally, and loves bragging to Emma that he has "big school work"! He's playing basketball this year and Chandler's coaching his team (let's see how that works out.). Emma is six years old now and in kindergarten. She's also taking ballet lessons with a few friends, and seems to be really enjoying it. She and Zachary both had a blast at Disney, and Emma's highlight was meeting Cinderella and Snow White! Chandler's work is still going great and he's enjoying a new schedule that allows him to be around the kids a lot more. He's coaching Zachary's basketball team, and luckily he has a co-coach, who, hopefully knows a little more than he does-which still isn't much! I'm still working part- time at the restaurant and I bring Emma along with me sometimes. She's discovered she likes to cook a lot-though we can't let her prepare any food we're actually serving! I've enjoyed watching Emma progress in ballet, and we might take a class together in the near future-though don't look to see me in a tutu, more than likely we'd take a modern dance class or something! As always, we are very blessed to have our extended family near us- the Tribbiani's, the Hannigan's, and the Geller's. We hope that everyone has had just as good a year as we have-see you in 2003! With Love, Chandler, Monica, Emma and Zachary Bing  
  
Rachel sighed and put down the letter. That was what a happy family sounded like. She had thought of writing a Christmas letter every year, but she hadn't been able to. The last time she'd written one had been the year the twins were born. She looked at the accompanying Christmas card. It was a picture card and showed the Bings in front of Cinderella castle at Disney World. Chandler was giving a piggyback ride to Emma, while Monica had Zachary on her back. They were all grinning happily and looked to be having a genuinely good time. Rachel hadn't even sent out a Christmas card since Ross had left, she realized. She knew she should have, but honestly, she didn't know what to write. "Have a happy New Year"-even though we won't be? Besides, she wouldn't even know what to sign it-were she, Josh and Gracie the Geller family? Or simply three people? She tried to make them a family- but she knew Josh and Gracie felt that a family was one like the Bings were.  
  
A week later, Christmas arrived. Rachel had played Santa Claus for her kids alright this year, as she had every year, though there was never anything to extravagant. Every year was the same-Christmas morning at their own apartment, then Christmas afternoon and dinner over at the Bings with Phoebe's family and Joey's family. However, the Bing, Tribbiani and Hannigan children always seemed so much more excited about Christmas than Josh and Gracie were.  
  
Rachel and her kids arrived at the Bings a little early, so Rachel opened the door quietly, not wanting to disturb the family's Christmas. Before her eyes lay the perfect Christmas scene. Emma and Zachary were ripping open gifts, shaded by a gorgeous Christmas tree, decorated with some professional decorations and some that Emma and Zachary had made. Monica and Chandler sat on the couch watching their children, Monica in Chandler's arms. He was gently kissing the side of her head, and they were both smiling at Emma and Zachary's delighted shrieks. Rachel smiled at the sight. Monica and Chandler were so lucky. She only hoped they realized just how lucky they were.  
Christmas vacation passed and about four days back into a regular schedule, Chandler woke up early one morning. He knew Monica had the day off, so he let her sleep and went to get the kids ready. Josh, Gracie, Emma and Zachary all attended the same school, so Rachel and the Bings switched on and off taking all four kids to school. Today was Rachel's day. Chandler cooked breakfast and got both kids dressed. He even managed to pull Emma's hair up into a ponytail, all the while wondering how he ever managed to actually be a decent father. Nine years ago he never would have imagined he would be married-especially not to a great woman like Monica, and he never saw himself having kids. But Monica had changed all that. After Chandler had gotten Emma and Zachary out the door with Rachel, he went in to check on his wife. As he entered the room, he saw her sitting up in bed, coughing loudly. He rushed over, "Mon, are you okay?"  
  
"No," she said in between coughs, "I think I'm sick." Chandler put his hand on her forehead.  
  
"Definitely! You're burning up." he went into the kitchen and came back with a thermometer, "103!"  
  
"I'm sure I'll be fine," Monica said, glancing at a clock, "You have to get to work."  
  
"No way," Chandler said, "I'll call in sick," he handed her some Advil and a glass of water, "I'm gonna stay and take care of you."  
  
A few minutes later, he entered with a cold compress and gently laid it on Monica's forehead. "I called your doctor," he said softly, "And she said to just rest, okay? I'll be in the living room if you need anything."  
  
"Chandler?" Monica said softly, "Can you.?"  
  
"No problem," he said and laid down on the bed, pulling her into his arms. Ever since they'd gotten married, it'd been incredibly hard for him to sleep without her in his arms. And Monica didn't get a good nights rest unless she was in Chandler's arms.  
  
"Rest up, baby. Emma and Zachary need their mommy well."  
  
"Yeah," Monica said softly, "Love you."  
  
"Love you, too."  
  
A few hours later, both Monica and Chandler were asleep when Chandler woke up suddenly, hearing a knock on their front door. He gently untangled Monica from his arms, and got up, trying hard not to wake her. He pulled on a shirt and jeans and ran to open the door. The man who had been knocking was just turning away, but he turned back as he heard Chandler opening the door. Chandler gasped. There was a man he had never expected to see. 


	3. Part Three

Hey everyone...thanks for kind reviews! I know the last cliffhanger was dead obvious, but this ones better! lol...well, here's the thing, im leaving for a week so this very well may be the last chapter for a week. maybe ill get part four up, tho...hopefully. anyway, don't lose faith, i will be continuing it! anyway, read and review! Part Three "Hi, Chandler," Ross said softly. Chandler gaped. In front of him was Ross, an older Ross, a much skinnier Ross, with a different haircut, but still, very noticeably, Ross. Chandler was still staring, but Ross walked into the apartment. Finally, Chandler gathered himself and said angrily,  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Looking for Rachel," Ross said quietly, "I figured she might have moved, so I came here to ask Monica where she moved to."  
  
"She didn't move," Chandler said coldly, "But I don't think you should talk to her."  
  
"Look, Chandler, I-"  
  
"Save it, Ross. I don't even want to hear it."  
  
"Chandler, you have to understand."  
  
"Ross, you know, even if you have a good excuse, I don't want to hear it. Because a good excuse might explain why you left for, oh, maybe two weeks. No excuse justifies leaving for eight years."  
  
"I understand that," Ross hung his head, "But I have to talk to Rachel." "We'll see," Chandler said.  
  
"What happened to this place?" Ross asked, "It's so much bigger."  
  
"Monica got married," Chandler said, "and needed more space." "Monica got married?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, and he held out his hand to show his wedding band, "And so did I."  
  
"Who did you marry? And who did she marry?"  
  
"We married each other."  
  
Ross stared at Chandler for a little while, "You guys got married?"  
  
"Yeah. After you left, we fell in love.we got married about a year later." "Wow." Ross said, "Do you guys have kids?"  
  
"Yes," Chandler said, pointing to the top of the television where pictures of his children sat, "Zachary's four and Emma's six."  
  
"Congratulations," Ross said, "Are you guys happy?"  
  
"Very," Chandler said, "But Rachel sure as hell isn't. I'm not gonna sit here and fill you in on everything that's happened, Ross, because you should have been there to see it yourself. Do you know that Gracie and Josh are ten now? Or that Ben's twelve? Or that Ben and Josh both want a dad who does guy stuff with them, but they have to settle for Joey and me because their dad skipped out? Huh? Do you know all that stuff?"  
  
Ross stared down at his feet, "Please," he said, pleadingly, "Just tell me where Rachel is. That's all I want to know."  
  
"No," Chandler said angrily, but at that very second, the door to the apartment opened and Zachary and Emma ran in, with Josh and Gracie trailing them and Rachel bringing up the rear.  
  
"Daddy!" Zachary and Emma shrieked and ran over to Chandler.  
  
"Hey, guys!" Chandler said, completely ignoring Ross, "How was your day?"  
  
"Great!" Zachary said, and Emma nodded the same.  
  
"Hey, guys, why don't you take Josh and Gracie and show them that new board game in Zachary's room?"  
  
"Okay!" the four kids ran off, though Josh and Gracie were clearly confused by the man on the couch's presence.  
  
Rachel was standing by the door, with her mouth hung open. "Ross?" she finally said, disbelievingly.  
  
"Yes," Ross nodded, "I need to talk to you."  
  
"Rachel?" Chandler said, "I'll take the kids. Why don't you go back to your apartment." Rachel nodded, left, and Ross followed her. Chandler stared coldly at the man who used to be his best friend. He could only pray he wasn't here to hurt Rachel again.  
  
Chandler figured that the board game would occupy the four kids for about ten more minutes and he went in to check on his wife. She was sitting up in bed, and looked somewhat better. He discovered her temperature was down to 100, and he sat down on the bed. He had to tell her about Ross.  
  
"Mon?" he said softly, "Ross is back."  
  
From the way Monica looked at him, Chandler thought she might have a heart attack. "Ross.is back?" she said softly.  
  
"Yes. He's talking with Rachel right now. Josh and Gracie are over here."  
  
"Did Ross tell you anything?"  
  
"Like where he's been?" Monica nodded, "Nope. But he'll probably tell Rachel."  
  
Monica was still somewhat in shock. For weeks after Ross had left, she'd expected him to call her, to write her or something. But he never had. She'd always tried to make clear to him, that no matter what he did wrong, she would always be there for him, that he could always call her. But he hadn't.  
  
Chandler interrupted her thoughts, "Enough about Ross," he said, "How are you feeling?"  
  
"A lot better," she admitted. Chandler helped his wife out of bed and she sat down in the barcalounger while he entertained the kids.  
  
Rachel and Ross walked in silence to the apartment. When they reached it, Rachel sat down on the couch and waited for Ross to talk.  
  
"So.you never moved?"  
  
"No," Rachel said coldly, "I figured if you ever came back, and we weren't here."  
  
Ross nodded, but didn't say anything. Finally, Rachel spoke, "Are you going to explain why you're here, Ross? Because it'd better be a damn good reason. And I'd better get a good explanation as to where you've been."  
  
Ross took a deep breath, "Rachel." he began, "The reason I left is because I cheated on you. The reason I came back is because I'm dying." 


	4. Part Four

OMG! I love you guys! the reviews were awesome...thank you thank you thank you! i actually wasnt gonna post part four until later but since people wanted it i decided to! see thats what you get for reviewing! lol! anyway, im sooo sorry but im leaving for a week, so this will be it for a week. don't worry tho, it doesnt end with a cliffhanger, but there are many more parts to this story! i swear, part five will be up as soon as i get back on may 3rd. so dont lose interest in my story please! anyway, here's part four, read and review, thanks!  
  
Part Four For a second Rachel couldn't say anything. "You cheated on me," she said slowly, "When?"  
  
"One night.after we had that huge fight about me working too much." Suddenly that night came back vividly in Rachel's mind.  
  
"Ever since we moved in here, you've done nothing but work!" Rachel screamed at her husband. "When am I supposed to see you? When are Josh and Gracie supposed to see you?"  
  
"Well, excuse me for wanting to look after my family! That nanny we employ isn't cheap, Rachel!"  
  
"Well, if we didn't have a nanny, I wouldn't be able to work!"  
  
"Exactly"  
  
"Are you saying.?"  
  
"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I have to work to keep this family afloat! Two kids aren't easy, Rachel. Get used to me working." With that Ross left the apartment, slamming the door. Two days later, he'd left the apartment for good.  
  
"I remember," Rachel said softly.  
  
"Well, that night I went out and got drunk," Ross said, "Really drunk. And the next morning, I woke up in somebody else's bed. I didn't even remember sleeping with her, she didn't even remember sleeping with me. But it happened."  
  
"So that's why you left? Because you cheated on me?"  
  
"Yeah," Ross said quietly, "it was a mistake.but I knew you'd just want a divorce. I mean, things weren't great even before then. We were always fighting."  
  
"So you left," Rachel said matter-of-factly, "For eight years!"  
  
"I guess.I thought I'd come back, eventually. But then I found out."  
  
"Found out what?"  
  
Ross's words were barely audible, "That I have cancer"  
  
"What?" Rachel said softly, holding back tears.  
  
"I found out that I have a brain tumor. They can't do anything about it."  
  
"So you've come back to do what, Ross? Do you need money? Because I don't have any. And if you want to see the kids, the answer is absolutely not. So what is it, Ross? Why are you back?"  
  
"Because I don't have that much longer to live. And I wanted to make peace with you before I did die."  
  
Rachel didn't speak for a long time, "I need some time to digest all this," she said softly, "Can you please leave?"  
  
Ross nodded and pulled a card out of his pocket, "This is the hotel I'm staying at," he said quietly, "Just call me.whenever. I'm so sorry, Rachel, so very, very sorry for cheating on you. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I couldn't die without seeing you one last time."  
  
"I'll call," Rachel promised, "but I need time to figure stuff out. Besides," she looked at her watch, "I've got to go pick up my kids."  
  
"Monica and Chandler can watch them a little while longer if."  
  
"No," Rachel said firmly, "My first responsibility is to my children, Ross, not to you. Good bye." With that Ross left, and Rachel walked back to Monica and Chandler's apartment.  
  
"Josh, Gracie!" Rachel yelled out as she entered the apartment, "Time to go home!"  
  
She saw Josh and Gracie run out of Zachary's room, Chandler and the other kids following them. "Uncle Chandler let us beat him up!" Josh said happily.  
  
"That's great, honey," Rachel said quietly, "Now you and Gracie get your stuff. I need to talk to Uncle Chandler and Aunt Monica for a second. Monica got up from her seat on the couch and went over to Rachel, and Chandler did the same.  
  
"There's too much to explain now." she said softly, "Do you think you guys can get a babysitter tomorrow night for all four kids? I'll explain then.and Joey and Phoebe can hear it then too."  
  
Chandler nodded, "Mon's got a cold, but if she's better by then, that's fine. I'll get a sitter."  
  
"Thanks," Rachel said. She took Gracie and Josh and went back to her apartment.  
  
The next night at dinner, Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler stared at Rachel expectantly. Finally, Rachel spoke up. "Ross cheated on me," she said quietly, "and that's why he left." "Oh, sweetie." Monica hugged her friend.  
  
"It's okay," Rachel said, and explained Ross's story.  
  
"But why is he back?" Joey asked the question everyone had in their mind.  
  
"He has cancer. A brain tumor. Rachel said, almost crying, "And there's nothing they can do. He's dying"  
  
No one spoke for a long time. They had never expected this. No one quite knew what the appropriate reaction should be. If this had happened nine years ago, they would have been sobbing. But Ross had been gone for eight years.and the hole he had left in the group had slowly closed up. What was Ross to them? Their friend? They really weren't sure.  
  
Finally Chandler spoke up, "So Ross came back to say good-bye?"  
  
"Yeah. They say he hasn't got much time left."  
  
"God." Chandler said quietly, "I just.don't know how to feel." The others nodded in agreement and Chandler continued, "I mean, Rachel, what Ross did to you is awful, no matter how drunk he was. But he was our friend.and he's dying. I think we owe it to him to at least say good-bye." Again, everyone nodded in agreement.  
  
Rachel sighed, "I told him I needed time to think. But.I-I don't want Josh and Gracie to know their father's around. They've been hurt enough."  
  
Monica nodded, "Josh and Gracie don't ever have to know. We can just say Ross is an old friend."  
  
Rachel nodded and buried her head in her hands, "I imagined a thousand reasons why he left," she said quietly, "but I never expected this."  
  
"Rachel." Chandler began. He seemed to be the only one who could talk, "We're gonna be there for you, okay? If you want Ross around until he dies, then we support that, okay? Or if not, we support that, too. It's your call. But we're behind you all the way."  
  
Rachel nodded, "Thanks guys.I just-in a few months or weeks, I'm gonna be a widow. A widow." No one said anything. They just gathered around Rachel and pulled her into a hug, letting her cry. "I just.I want to forgive him, I really do. I mean.he gave me Josh and Gracie. If I can't forgive the man who gave me my children-my life.who can I forgive?"  
  
With Ross back in town, Chandler and Monica began watching Josh and Gracie more and more so that Rachel had time to "sort things out". She still hadn't called Ross, but Chandler and Monica would watch the kids while she thought about things. One day after Chandler had put Emma and Zachary down for naps, he was watching television with Josh and Gracie. Suddenly, Josh asked, "Uncle Chandler, who's my dad?"  
  
"'Scuse me?" Chandler said, trying to postpone the answer.  
  
"Who's my dad? Mine and Gracie's dad-who is he?"  
  
"Well, Josh.I can't really answer that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I'm not sure what your mom would want me to tell you."  
  
"Just tell me basic stuff. Did you know him?"  
  
"Yeah, Uncle Chandler," Gracie piped up, "did you know him?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Chandler said softly, "He introduced me to Aunt Monica."  
  
"'Cause Aunt Monica's his sister, right?"  
  
Chandler nodded, "I was your dad's college roommate. He took me to his house for Thanksgiving one time. That's when I met Aunt Monica."  
  
"Did you guys fall in love right away?" Gracie asked eagerly.  
  
Chandler smiled, happy that the conversation had shielded away from the topic of the twins' father, "Not exactly."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Monica and I were friends for a long time-a very long time, before we got together."  
  
"Really?" Josh asked, "I can't remember when you guys weren't together."  
  
"When you guys were born we weren't,"  
  
"Then when did you guys get together?" Gracie asked.  
  
Chandler suddenly let his memory wander..  
  
Eight Years Earlier "Hey, Mon," Chandler said, but he stopped short as he saw his friend crying on the couch. He rushed to her side, "What's the matter?"  
  
"My brother left his wife. Isn't that enough?"  
  
"Well.I mean, we all miss Ross, but what's it got to do with you?"  
  
"Ross is my brother, Chandler. I'm just afraid Rachel's gonna blame me. After all, I'm a Geller, too. She probably thinks I know where he is.and I honestly don't but." Monica kept sobbing.  
  
"Oh, Mon." Chandler softly pulled Monica into his arms, "Rachel doesn't blame you.no, not at all." "How do you know that?"  
  
"Because she knows what Ross did was his decision. No one else's. There's no one else to blame except for Ross. We all know that."  
  
"Really?" Monica said, looking into Chandler's eyes.  
  
"Really," he said firmly.  
  
Monica stopped crying gradually as Chandler rocked her back and forth. Finally, she spoke up, "What would I do without you?" she said quietly.  
  
"You mean that?" he said softly. Chandler had had a crush on Monica for years-but he never, ever let anyone know it. Not even Joey. Sometimes Chandler even denied it to himself. He'd hinted to Monica many times that he liked her-offering to have a baby with her, offering to be her boyfriend, but she always laughed and passed it off as a joke. He knew why- and he even understood. Monica deserved so much better than him, and obviously she knew that.  
  
"Yeah, I do," she said quietly, "You're my best friend. And I mean that. I really don't know what I'd do without you. You-you've always been there for me."  
  
Chandler smiled a small smile. Of course she just liked him as a best friend. How could he even think that she would like him as something more? He kissed the top of her head, "And I always will be."  
  
Monica smiled brightly and snuggled closer to him, "Chandler?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?"  
  
"Umm.I can't promise that.I mean, if you're like, dying or something, I'm not gonna be like, happy."  
  
"No, it's nothing like that.just something I have to tell you."  
  
"Okay, then I'll try not to freak out," he said, confused about what she had to say.  
  
"All right." Monica pulled away from his embrace and sat up, looking him straight in the eye. But then, suddenly she looked down, almost embarrassed, "I don't really know how to say this..I just.I promised I'd tell you tonight.but."  
  
"Mon-don't be embarrassed. You can tell me anything."  
  
"All right," she looked at him again, "Chandler.I think-I think.I have.um, feelings for you. As more than just a friend."  
  
Chandler just stared at her for a minute. For a moment he thought about pinching himself-that maybe this was a dream. His second thought was that she was kidding. "Mon.are you serious?"  
  
She stared down at her lap and mumbled, "Yes."  
  
Chandler smiled a huge grin and lifted Monica's chin up, "Monica.the truth is, I have feelings for you, too. As more than just a friend. Way more than just a friend."  
  
This time it was Monica's turn to be doubtful, "Are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah," he said softly, gently, "I always have. Since the day I moved in across the hall. I just.never told anyone."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because.God, Mon, you deserve so much more than me-Chandler who can't keep a girlfriend for more than a week," he hung his head, "You don't want me. You deserve someone a lot better."  
  
"But what if I do want you?"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"More than anything." Chandler couldn't resist. He leaned down and gently kissed Monica on the lips doing the one thing he'd wanted to do for practically three years. The gentle kiss lasted a few seconds, but quickly it turned deeper. Finally the kiss broke. "Wow." Monica said quietly.  
  
"That was.."  
  
"Amazing?"  
  
"For lack of something better.I think they'd have to come up with a whole new word to describe what that was."  
  
Monica and Chandler spent every second together after that. They were pretty obvious about their relationship, so eventually Joey, Phoebe and Rachel figured out they were together. On their seven-month anniversary, Chandler took Monica out to dinner and had Joey and Phoebe fill her apartment with lit candles while they were gone. When they came home, Chandler proposed to Monica and she said yes. They got married about three months later.  
  
Return to Present  
  
"Uncle Chandler?" Gracie asked again, "When did you guys get together?"  
  
"Well.you guys were about two, I think." Chandler said, not wanting to tell them the reason they'd gotten together was because of Ross's leaving.  
  
"How come?" Josh asked, suddenly interested.  
  
"Well," Chandler said quietly, "I guess we just realized that we wanted to be more than friends. And everything else just.fell into place."  
  
"Wow." Gracie said, "That's like a fairy tale, Uncle Chandler."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Chandler smiled.  
  
"You should write a book about it," Josh said, giggling.  
  
"I don't think anybody would buy it, buddy," Chandler ruffled Josh's hair, "Now get ready, your mom's gonna be here in a couple minutes."  
  
Later that night, when their kids were in bed, Chandler told Monica about Josh's question, "Josh asked about his father today," he said quietly.  
  
"Josh asked you about his dad?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, "He wanted to know if I knew him, stuff like that."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Just that he was my college roommate. Then Gracie wanted me to tell a story."  
  
"What story?"  
  
Chandler smiled as he pulled her into his arms, "Ours."  
  
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! AND I SWEAR...THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE! 


	5. Part Five

Hey every1! thanks for great reviews...anyway, im back from my trip, so im posting part five...this chapter explains more about monica and chandler and about joey and phoebe, too. so anyway, please read and review! and omg...friends last night...monica and chandler cant have kids! agg! lol...well read and review, thanks!  
  
Part Five  
  
Finally, about a week after Ross's arrival, Rachel called him.  
  
"Rachel?" Ross said incredulously as Rachel revealed it was her on the phone, "Wow.I didn't think you were gonna call me."  
  
"Ross," Rachel started, not really sure what to say, "I guess.I've decided that I can't forgive you, not yet anyway. It's gonna take some time but.I'd like for you to come back. Not as my husband and definitely not as Josh and Gracie's father, but as Ross, our old friend."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes," Rachel said firmly, "But that's it-Josh and Gracie will know you as our old friend, not as their father. They've been hurt enough, I don't want them to suddenly have a father and then have him."  
  
"Die?" Ross asked quietly, "I understand, Rachel. I only have.maybe three months left. I wouldn't do that to Josh and Gracie either. But I would like to get to know them. Is that okay?"  
  
"That's fine," Rachel said, "So are you going to come back to the city?"  
  
"Yes," Ross said firmly, "I will."  
  
"See you tomorrow, Ross." With that, Rachel hung up. She wasn't sure what she had just done-if it was the right thing or not. But she would find out.  
  
"Hi, Monica," Ross said softly.  
  
"Ross?" Monica said, in disbelief. She, Joey and Phoebe were the only ones who hadn't seen him yet. She knew where he was, but Monica had yet to actually see her big brother in person.  
  
"Yeah," he said quietly, "I wanted to come over and talk, if that's okay."  
  
"That's fine," she said, opening the door wider and letting him in, "Chandler's not here, though."  
  
"I kinda wanted to talk to just you," he looked around, "Are your kids here?"  
  
Monica shook her head and sat down on the couch while Ross took a sit in the chair, "Emma and Zachary are at school."  
  
Ross nodded, "So I guess you finally got all those things you wanted- married, with kids."  
  
"Yeah, I did," Monica said and tried to lighten the mood a little, "So how much did you freak out when Chandler told you we were married?"  
  
"Just a little," Ross said, laughing, "I mean, I figured you'd be married and all, but I never expected Chandler to be. And a dad too? He sure has changed a lot."  
  
"We've all grown up quite a bit since you left. Especially Chandler and Joey."  
  
"Joey?"  
  
Monica nodded and shook her head, "You don't even know, do you?" she said quietly.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"Both Joey and Phoebe got married. Joey's got four boys, Phoebe's got three kids."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah," Monica pulled a picture of a table in the living room. "That's Phoebe's husband, Mike Hannigan. Those are their kids, Heath, he's six, Lillie, she's five and Ryan, who's three. And that's Joey's wife, Juliana. They've got four boys, Nick, Jackson, Christopher and Robby. They're five, four, three and one."  
  
"Wow." Ross marveled, "Joey.a dad?"  
  
Monica laughed, "He's a great father. The best part is they all stayed in the city. There's eleven kids between all of us. It's pretty great. Except that Josh and Gracie are the only ones without a dad. Chandler, Joey and Mike have tried to step in but.they've got their own kids to raise."  
  
Ross nodded, embarrassed, and tried to change the subject, "You've done a great job with this place," he said, "It's so much bigger."  
  
"Yeah, well, two kids and all," she said, smiling, "But.umm, speaking of places, where have you been living?"  
  
"Chicago."  
  
"What's in Chicago?"  
  
"Nothing," Ross said, "It sucked. Don't ever live there, Mon, I'm telling you, it's nothing like New York."  
  
Monica nodded, "Can I ask something?" Ross nodded, "Did Mom and Dad know where you were?"  
  
Ross nodded sheepishly, "Yeah, they did. I saw them a couple times, too."  
  
"Ross," Monica said seriously, "Why didn't you call me? I wouldn't have been mad."  
  
"I don't know," Ross said in a voice that was barely audible, "I've made so many mistakes in the past eight years that not calling you is just a drop in the bucket."  
  
Monica nodded and hastily changed the topic, "You want something to drink?"  
  
"Sure." Ross sat down, "So, where's Chandler?"  
  
"Work," Monica said, "That's where he usually is during the week."  
  
"Right," Ross said, embarrassed. He could barely make conversation with his sister anymore. "So, do you still work?"  
  
"Yeah, but I've got today off," she said, "I don't work as much as I used to. Chandler and I both agreed early on that Zachary and Emma should come home to their mom or dad, not a nanny."  
  
"Chandler sounds like a good father," Ross said.  
  
"He is. And a very good husband." As if on cue, Chandler entered the apartment and walked up to his wife.  
  
"Hey, baby," he said, kissing her gently on the lips. "Hi, Ross," he said, far less gently. It hadn't even been three days since Rachel had talked to Ross on the phone, so feelings were still pretty hostile. "What're you doing here?"  
  
"Just came by to talk to Monica."  
  
"Oh," Chandler said, "Am I interrupting?"  
  
"Nah," Ross said, " I have to leave soon anyway. Mom and Dad wanted to see me."  
  
"Tell them I say hi," Monica said, and Ross left.  
  
"Well, that was uncomfortable.." Chandler said softly.  
  
"It's almost as if we've never met him before."  
  
"I know," Chandler said, shaking his head, "Remember when it was just the six of us? Before the twins were born.when everything was normal? I'd love to go back to then.life was so incredibly simple. Of course," he smiled, "if we did go back to then, there's quite a few things I'd change."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well, I'd ask you out a heck of a lot earlier."  
  
Monica nodded, "Still, those years were pretty good."  
  
That night, Ross went to visit Joey's family. Joey wasn't thrilled to see him, but he went with Rachel's wishes and was civil to him. Joey's wife was out with some friends and Joey had just put his sons to bed. Ross glanced around the living room of Joey's huge, family oriented apartment. "Everything's changed so much," he said, as Joey invited him in to talk, "I can't believe you're a dad."  
  
"Yeah, well," Joey, said, "It was bound to happen eventually."  
  
Ross smiled, "I still can't believe Monica and Chandler got married."  
  
Joey laughed, "Well, after you left, Chandler kind of became Monica's support system. She was dealing with an awful lot, trying to help Rachel, trying to find you, and Chandler offered his shoulder to cry on, constantly. Monica finally realized how great they were together, and Chandler, well, Chandler had liked her for years. I think it took them about two dates to realize they were in love. They're a great couple, but they've been through a lot."  
  
Ross looked at him skeptically. "Like what? They seem perfect, great marriage; two gorgeous kids," he trailed off, remembering that he, also, had had a great marriage and two gorgeous kids.  
  
Joey glared at him. "You know, Ross" he said angrily, "If you had been here you'd know what they've been through together. You'd know that Monica's appendix burst and that she almost died. You'd know that Chandler sat by her hospital bed for four weeks. You'd know they were told Monica would probably never get pregnant, but by some miracle she became pregnant with Emma. You'd know how worried Chandler was her entire pregnancy. You'd know how Monica almost bled to death when Emma was born. You'd know that she can't ever, ever have kids again. You'd know that they waited and hoped for a baby to adopt and they finally found Zachary. You'd know all that, Ross. You missed your sister almost dying not once, but twice. You missed comforting Chandler when they were times the doctors told him he was going to lose his wife. You missed ten births and three weddings."  
  
"Don't you think I know that?" Ross said sadly, " I'm a crappy husband, father, brother and friend. But I can't change the past, Joey. I can't change what I did. But don't ever think I don't regret what I did."  
  
Joey was still breathing heavily, angrily. "Fine," he said, "I just hope you realize everything."  
  
"I do, Joe, I do," Ross said. He tried to change the subject hastily. "So tell me about your kids and your wife."  
  
Joey smiled and sat down, happily diverted. "Juliana's amazing. She and I started dating pretty soon after you left and we got married pretty quickly. She's the most wonderful person and a great mother. She's Italian too and we both wanted a big Italian family. So we just started having kids. My boys," he smiled even broader, "My boys are my life, besides Juli. We're actually thinking of having another baby sometime when the boys are a bit older. Juli would like a little girl."  
  
Ross smiled, "That sounds great. You guys sound like a perfect family."  
  
"Well," said Joey, "We're pretty damn close. Funny you bring up family, Ross, when you destroyed your own." Joey was getting angry again.  
  
"Joey, please." Ross sighed.  
  
"No, Ross, I want to know! I know you cheated on Rachel, but I want to know why you left. It can't just be that. There's got to be another reason!"  
  
Ross was silent for a long time, "Well, there is." he said quietly. "Look," he started, "Rachel's so beautiful and smart and funny and successful. And I.I was holding her back. We weren't happy; Joey, and I could tell she wasn't happy. And I got scared. I'm a coward, okay? I got so scared that I was going to screw up that I ran away so that I never could screw up. I was so terrified at screwing up Gracie or Josh or Ben, even, that I decided it'd be better if I wasn't around to mess them up. Cheating was just a drunken mistake that was the last straw. So I left."  
  
Joey shook his head, "Ross," he said angrily, "We've all felt like that! I was terrified of doing something to Nick when he was born. And you should have seen Chandler with Emma. Obviously there was something scaring you a lot more, but why couldn't you have stayed here? Worked it out with us, or a psychiatrist or something?"  
  
"I don't know," Ross said sadly, "I know I could've. But like I said, I was a big coward. I made the biggest mistake in the world. I thought it would only hurt me and by the time I figured out it wasn't just me I was hurting, it was too late. I was already gone and I didn't figure you guys would forgive me. But when I found out I was dying."  
  
Joey nodded. "I just don't understand, Ross. You should have told me. You should have told someone, anyone."  
  
Ross was crying softly. "I wish I had."  
  
"Then answer one question for me, Ross," Joey asked, and Ross nodded, "Do you still love Rachel? And Josh and Gracie and Ben?"  
  
Ross nodded, "So very, very much."  
  
"Then make these last months count. Even if you're pretending not to be their dad, make these last months count. Especially for Rachel."  
  
Ross nodded. "I'm going to go," he said quietly and got up.  
  
"Think about what I said," Joey instructed.  
  
"Yep," Ross said, and left.  
  
Joey sighed softly. He couldn't help but think that Ross' leaving could have been avoided if Ross had just talked to someone. Joey sat back and reminisced over the years Ross had missed. In some ways, they'd been amazing. He'd found the love of his life, got married and had his children. The same had gone for Phoebe, Monica and Chandler. But there had also been so many horrible things that had happened, especially to Monica, Chandler and Rachel. Joey sighed and pushed those memories away. No one like to think about those memories. 


	6. Part Six

Here's part six...it mostly is a flashback about Monica and Chandler...so R and R fans, bear with it! thanks...please read and review! Cuz...just so you know, the more reviews I get the faster I'll post!  
  
Part Six  
  
That night, Chandler lay awake thinking about Ross. Chandler couldn't believe what was happening-everything had happened so fast. In the past eight years, Chandler had dealt with more than he'd ever had to face in the previous years of his life. He'd only been dating Monica for two months when one of the scariest events in his life occurred-Monica's appendix bursting. He still remembered every part of that month clearly. How could he forget? He'd almost lost the one person that meant the most to him in the world. So he remembered.remembered every emotion and every doctor's words.  
  
Eight Years Earlier  
  
"Hey, Mike! Hey, Pheebs!" Rachel said smiling as she opened the door to Phoebe and her new boyfriend Mike. Ross had been gone for two months and Rachel was learning, though slowly, to put on a happy face for her children and friends. She was still struggling to raise the twins, after all they were in their "terrible twos" but her friends were great about coming over to help her. Today Phoebe and Mike had come.  
  
The three adults spent a pretty typical time watching Josh and Gracie. Phoebe and Mike were just about to leave as Rachel's phone rang shrilly. Rachel picked up the phone and Phoebe saw all the color drain out of Rachel's face as someone talked on the other line. For a second, Phoebe thought it might be Ross. But slowly, Rachel put down the phone. "That was Joey," she said softly, "Monica's in the hospital. We've got to get there, now."  
  
Rachel, Phoebe and Mike had hastily bundled up the twins and rushed to the hospital where they found Joey and Chandler in the waiting room. Joey was trying, unsuccessfully, to comfort a sobbing Chandler. He was sitting in a chair with his face in his hands. "I'm such a crappy boyfriend," he sobbed, "She told me she didn't need a doctor, but I should of gotten one anyway. I should have known."  
  
"Chandler!" Joey said softly, "This is not your fault. You heard what the doctor said-burst appendix can't be prevented, usually."  
  
"Burst appendix?" Mike gasped.  
  
Joey nodded, "She's in surgery and they're trying all they can to keep the infection from spreading, but."  
  
"What?" cried Phoebe, "What does burst appendix mean?"  
  
Mike glanced at his girlfriend. "Well," he said softly, "Well, basically Monica's appendix burst so the infection spread."  
  
"So what's gonna happen?" asked Rachel, "Is she going to be okay?"  
  
Mike and Joey both shrugged. Chandler was still sitting, now silent, with his head glued in his hands. "She could be okay," Mike said quietly, "If she comes out of surgery alright, then she'll just be in the hospital awhile, on antibiotics. But burst appendix can be fatal." Mike spoke softly, "But that's not to say it's going to be for Monica. She's strong. I'm sure she'll be fine." he finished quickly.  
  
Rachel and Phoebe tried hard to stop themselves from crying as they sat down with Josh and Gracie for a long wait. It seemed like hours before a doctor finally came out. Joey's girlfriend, Juliana, had arrived and the eight had been keeping vigil in the waiting room. But finally, a doctor arrived. "Mr. Bing?" he asked, "You brought Monica Geller in?"  
  
"Yes, that's me," Chandler said, jumping to his feet quickly, "Where is she? How is she?"  
  
The doctor sighed softly, "She's out of surgery, and still alive. But she's not out of the woods. The infection spread-a lot. We've got her on heavy antibiotics and we'll see where things go from there. She's in the intensive care unit. You can go sit with her, if you'd like."  
  
Chandler nodded eagerly and followed the doctor. The doctor led him through hospital halls until they finally stopped in front of a room. He had Chandler garb up, to keep from bringing in any more infections to Monica and they stepped in. There, Chandler saw Monica lying in a hospital bed. But it wasn't a Monica he was used to. This Monica was surrounded by equipment, attached to IV's, with monitors beeping all around here. "She should sleep until the morning, at least," the doctor said, "So don't try to wake her. I'll be back tomorrow morning to check on her." With that, the doctor left.  
  
Chandler sat down by Monica's bedside and took her hand gently. There were tears rolling down his cheeks as he prayed softly, "Please," he begged, "Let Monica be okay. Without her, I've got nothing to live for. She's my life, my hope, my everything. Please don't take her away. She's got so much to live for." He stopped before he could start sobbing again. He wondered what would happen if it was him in this position, if it was he who was lying the hospital bed. Monica did have so much to live for, but he wondered if he really did, besides Monica. That's why she couldn't die. Without her, he was nothing. It'd only been two months since they'd started dating, but he was already deeply in love with her.  
  
Chandler slept fitfully that night, trying to get comfortable in a hard hospital chair. He woke up early the next morning, only to find Monica still asleep. The doctor came and went, pronouncing Monica no better and no worse. For the next two days, Monica was in and out of consciousness. When she was awake, she didn't really talk and when she did, it didn't make much sense at all. The nurses attributed it to the infection and the fever. The rest of Chandler and Monica's friends came and went, but for the most part, Chandler insisted there wasn't really much they could do. He, however, had no intention of leaving Monica. But he couldn't blame his friends for not staying longer-they were mostly trying to help Rachel with the twins, plus they had to keep working. Chandler had already called his job and told them he'd be in when Monica was out of the hospital, which could be weeks. He had a lot of vacation time saved up, so he decided to use it.  
  
Three days after Chandler's surgery, he was lightly dozing with his head on her bed. He was just getting into a deeper sleep when he heard a soft, weak, "Chandler?" He sat straight up.  
  
"Monica!" he said excitedly, "You're awake!" She had been awake before, but never really coherent.  
  
"Yeah," she nodded softly and he felt her forehead and realized her fever was way down. "What happened, Chandler? I remember being here but."  
  
"Your appendix burst, baby," he said softly. "They didn't know if you were gonna make it, but now that your awake."  
  
She interrupted him, "Am I gonna be okay?"  
  
"Yeah, sweetie," he said, kissing her hand tenderly. "You're gonna be just fine."  
  
End of Flashback  
  
Chandler shuddered at the memory and brushed it away. There were many other, a lot happier memories he could think about. He focused on the memory of his wedding day and finally fell asleep.  
  
I know that wasn't great for R and R fans...but it's all part of the story! PLEASE REVIEW! 


	7. Part Seven

Hey, please...read and review!  
  
Part Seven  
  
"Hi, Phoebe," Ross said quietly as he stood, embarrassed at Phoebe's door.  
  
"Ross?" Phoebe said disbelievingly. Ross had been making his "rounds", first seeing Monica and then Joey. This was the first time Phoebe had seen him.  
  
"Yeah," Ross said, "I wanted to, um, come over and talk. I haven't seen you since I've been back."  
  
"Sure," said Phoebe. She'd already made up her mind to try and be nice to Ross. She hadn't forgiven him-it'd take a long time before anyone ever would, but she had to be civil to him, at the very least. Suddenly, Phoebe became aware of the toddler in her arms. "Let me just go put Ryan down for a nap."  
  
Ross smiled gratefully and entered Phoebe's apartment. "Anyone else here?" he asked.  
  
"No," Phoebe said, shaking her head, "Mike took Heath and Lillie to the park. I'll be right back," she said, and disappeared down a hallway. Ross sat down on the couch and glanced around the apartment. On the coffee table, he saw a large leather bound book. Embossed in gold on the front cover were the words: The Bings, The Hannigans, The Tribbianis and The Gellers. He realized it was a picture album of all four families. He turned to the first page and saw all the kids full names in bold silver on a black back round.  
  
Joshua Alexander Geller  
  
Grace Isabella Geller  
  
Emma Gabrielle Bing  
  
Zachary Joseph Bing  
  
Heath Michael Hannigan  
  
Lillie Faith Hannigan  
  
Ryan Erick Hannigan  
  
Nicholas Chandler Tribbiani  
  
Jackson Anthony Tribbiani  
  
Christopher Raymond Tribbiani  
  
Robert James Tribbiani  
  
Ross sucked in his breath. It was only then that it hit him that he didn't even know his own niece and nephew's middle names. But if that page was disturbing, it was nothing compared to what Ross found on the next page. It was another black page with the names of the parents embossed in gold. Rachel Geller  
  
Chandler and Monica Bing  
  
Michael and Phoebe Hannigan  
  
Joseph and Juliana Tribbiani  
  
For some reason, it hurt Ross more than ever to see, in print, that Rachel truly was the only person in the group who didn't have a spouse. Well, she did, but he wasn't around. Suddenly, Ross' thoughts were interrupted as Phoebe reentered. "You looking at the photo album?" she asked. He nodded, "Chandler and Monica had that made up for my birthday last year."  
  
"Oh. It's really nice," Ross said quietly. It was becoming more and more apparent just how little he had to talk about with his friends these days. "So, um, you got married," he stated.  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe smiled, and looked at him, "Surprised?"  
  
"Maybe a little," Ross said, laughing, "and the three kids part especially surprises me."  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "I always wanted to be a mom. And Monica and Rachel were doing it, so I couldn't help but follow. Monica and I were actually pregnant with Heath and Emma at the same time. It was pretty fun. 'Course, she thought I was stealing her thunder, but."  
  
Ross laughed, "She would think that, wouldn't she?"  
  
"Let's just say we're lucky Heath and Emma weren't born on the same day."  
  
"So, besides Heath, your other kids are."  
  
"Lillie and Ryan. Lillie after my mom, though we spelled it a different way. And the name Ryan we actually let Josh and Gracie pick out."  
  
"That's nice," Ross said slowly, "Thanks,"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "No big deal," The two went without conversation for several minutes until Phoebe finally spoke up. "Look, Ross," she said slowly, "Why are you here? I mean, I know you haven't seen me yet and whatever, but why're you here? The real reason."  
  
"I dunno," Ross shrugged, "Well, I guess.you were the one who always forgave me pretty easily. I guess I wanted to see if we were still friends or not."  
  
Phoebe took a deep breath, "Ross," she started, "I may forgive and forget pretty easily. But there's some things that just don't follow that rule. Rachel is one of my best friends. And you hurt her more than you can ever imagine. You're one of the most selfish people I know now, and it didn't used to be that way. So have I forgiven you? No way. But that doesn't mean we can't rebuild our friendship. But we're going to have to start from square one".  
  
Ross nodded, relieved, "I understand that. You have no idea how much this means to me."  
  
"Well, then," said Phoebe, "I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi."  
  
"I'm Ross Geller. Hi."  
  
This part kinda sucked, didn't it? I do promise, this is going someplace! Review and tell me if I should just stop or keep posting, okay? 


	8. Part Eight

This part is short...but it says what it has to! SO please read and review...please!  
  
Part Eight  
  
"Josh, Gracie, this is Ross". Rachel could scarcely believe she was introducing her children to their father. But here she was, with all her friends surrounding her, telling Josh and Gracie that Ross was an old friend from college.  
  
"Hi," said Josh politely, "I'm Joshua Geller. But most people call me Josh."  
  
"And I'm Grace Geller," Gracie put in, "But everybody calls me Gracie." Ross nodded and glanced at Rachel, surprised. He'd thought after all this time she might have changed Josh and Gracie's last name back to Green. But she hadn't. Ross smiled at his kids as they sat down on the couch with Emma and Zachary.  
  
"So, um, how old are you guys?" Ross asked, playing along as the "college friend".  
  
"We're ten," said Josh excitedly, "We go to Smithfield Day School, but we're in different classes. Emma and Zachary go there, too."  
  
"Yeah, but, you know, I'm smarter than Josh is," Gracie bragged.  
  
"No, you're not," Josh argued back, "Plus, I'm better at basketball!"  
  
"You like basketball?" Ross asked, curious about his son's interests.  
  
"Yeah!" Josh said happily, "Uncle Chandler, Uncle Joey and Uncle Mike, they take us to Knicks games all the time! You like the Knicks?"  
  
"Sure," said Ross, "Used to go to games all the time."  
  
"You should come with us sometime," Josh said, "But Uncle Joey yells at a lot." Josh glanced at Joey and they both laughed. Ross sighed, realizing that Joey had a special connection with Josh, and he didn't. Joey knew things about Josh that Ross didn't know. Ross turned his attention to Gracie.  
  
"What about you, Gracie? What do you like to do?"  
  
"I like to read," Gracie said softly, "and I like science. I take ballet, too." Ross sucked in his breath. His daughter liked science, and his son looked exactly like him. Did life get any more cruel? He could only imagine what Rachel must feel like. She had to go through everyday with the kids.  
  
Ross sighed and nodded at his daughter. He couldn't take it anymore. He glanced up at Rachel. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I've got to go." With that, he got up and left abruptly.  
  
Ross could scarcely believe it-he'd done it again, walking out on his own family. But he couldn't stay. He couldn't stand there, looking into Josh and Gracie's eyes, knowing how much he had missed out on. Ross raced back to his hotel, knowing he couldn't get there fast enough. Once there, he collapsed onto his bed. He wasn't feel well, anyway. Suddenly, a huge wave of pain overcame him. He only had enough time to call the front desk and whisper, "Help," before everything went black.  
  
Two words: PLEASE REVIEW! 


	9. Part Nine

okay believe it or not, after this there's only one more chapter and then a epilouge...but i won't post them soon unless you review! lol...anyway thanks for so many kind reviews on part eight...please read and review this part!  
  
Part Nine  
  
"Hello, is Rachel Geller there?"  
  
"Yes, this is she," Rachel replied, exhausted. After Ross had left so abruptly, she'd been forced to deal with questions from Josh and Gracie, and then she'd finally managed to get them both home. Now all she wanted to do was go to sleep and forget what Ross had just done-left, again.  
  
"This is Beth Israel Hospital. Your husband, Ross Geller was just brought it. He was found unconscious in his hotel room."  
  
Suddenly, every annoyed feeling Rachel had had towards Ross vanished. All she could think about was getting to the hospital.  
  
Rachel paced the waiting room over and over, refusing to sit down for even a second. "Rachel, sweetie," Monica said soothingly, "I'm sure he's fine. He's got cancer, these things happen."  
  
"But what if.what if he dies, Monica? I mean, I know I'm still mad at him, but I don't want him to die now."  
  
"Neither do I," Monica said quietly, "Neither do I." Both Monica and Rachel sat down and began crying. Suddenly, Chandler arrived and quietly pulled both women into his arms.  
  
"Mrs. Geller?"  
  
"Yes, that's me!" Rachel said quickly, jumping up. "Where's Ross? Is he okay?"  
  
"Well," said the doctor slowly, "He's stable, but you know there's nothing we can do for him. He'll have to stay here overnight, and then he can go home tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks," Rachel said softly, "This is his sister and brother- in- law. Can we see him?"  
  
"Sure," said the doctor, "Let me show you his room."  
  
Ross came home the next day and Rachel insisted he stay at her apartment. She moved Josh into Gracie's room and let Ross have Josh's room. For Ross, it was ten times harder because he was now around his son and daughter twenty-four hours a day. For him, the hardest part was hearing them call him Ross instead of Dad. One night, Ross couldn't sleep, so he wandered out to the living room, where he found Rachel sitting on the couch.  
  
"Rach?" he asked quietly.  
  
"What're you doing up?" she asked, jumping up.  
  
"Couldn't sleep," he shrugged.  
  
"Well, me neither."  
  
Ross sighed and sat down on the couch, "Um, thanks for letting me stay here," he said awkwardly.  
  
"Not a problem," she said, "I, uh, didn't want you to be alone if you got sick again."  
  
They sat in silence for a long time, until Ross finally spoke up. "Rach?" he asked quietly, "I, um, kind of wanted to talk to you about something."  
  
"Sure, shoot," Rachel said.  
  
"Well, um, I actually wanted to talk about Josh and Gracie.I was, uh, wondering if when they're older after I'm gone, y'know, if you're gonna tell them who their father is." He steered clear of using the word "Dad" since he knew he wasn't one. Chandler, Joey and Mike were dads, daddies, but Ross certainly was not.  
  
Rachel was silent for a long time. "Ross," she said softly, "You are their father. I'm not going to deprive my children of knowing who they are. So, yeah, when they're older, I'd like them to know. But now.Ross, you have to understand that I can't give them a father and then suddenly pull him away from them. Not after they've waited eight years."  
  
Ross nodded slowly. "I understand that," he said, "and I couldn't do that to them either," he sighed softly, "Do you, um, still have that letter I wrote them?"  
  
Rachel looked straight into his eyes, "Yes," she said, "I read it every year on our anniversary."  
  
Ross twisted his hands in his lap and said, embarrassed, "I'm sorry, Rachel. I can't say that enough. But, um, I'd like maybe, to, y'know, leave another letter for Josh and Gracie. An updated version, sort of."  
  
"If that's what you want to do, Ross, then it's fine with me."  
  
"Thanks, Rach. I just.I want my kids to have some idea of who I am. Even if I'm an asshole."  
  
Rachel ignored his criticism about himself and asked another question. "Ross," she said tentatively, "Have you seen Ben? Since you came back?"  
  
Ross shook his head, "No," he said softly, "Carol and Susan, they, um, wouldn't let me. I'm leaving a letter with them, too, but.they didn't want me to see Ben."  
  
Rachel nodded, "I'm sorry," she said, saying the only thing she could think of.  
  
Ross again shook his head, "Don't be," he said, "I don't deserve to see any of my kids. It's a miracle you're letting me see the twins."  
  
Rachel sighed, "It's hard to explain, Ross, but.I do want my children to have some memory of their father, even if they just remember him as one of my friends."  
  
Ross was already tearing up, "And I can't thank you enough," he choked out, "because seeing my kids before I die.that's all I ever wanted. And to see you, too."  
  
Rachel smiled softly, "I couldn't let you die without seeing you again, Ross. You know that."  
  
"No, I didn't," he said softly, "You're an amazing person, Rachel. Absolutely amazing."  
  
Two Words: PLEASE REVIEW! 


	10. Part Ten

Okay, this chapter really gets to the point...so please read and REVIEW! thanks!  
  
Part Ten  
  
One Month Later  
  
Monica and Chandler were enjoying some rare time together. They both had the day off from work and the kids were in school. They were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie when there was a knock at the door. Chandler flipped off the television and got up to answer it. Ross was outside, fidgeting nervously. In the past month, Ross had been getting a lot sicker. Everybody knew he had a month left, at best. But still, he was amazingly strong. Still walking, still doing most things for himself. He'd moved out of Rachel's apartment and into a small studio of his own because he didn't want Josh and Gracie to see him so sick.  
  
"Hey, Chandler," Ross said softly, "Is Monica here?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler nodded, "We've both got the day off." Monica got up and came to the door.  
  
"Great," Ross said, "'Cause there's someone I need you to meet." He motioned with his hand, a very tall, college-aged girl came to the door. It took very little time for the Bings to register that she was also very pregnant. "Mon, Chandler, this is Kaci. When I was in Chicago, I taught college classes, and she was one of my best students." Monica and Chandler nodded and Chandler stuck out his hand towards Kaci.  
  
"We're Chandler and Monica Bing," he said, still very confused. Kaci nodded and shook back.  
  
"Kaci Andrews," she said softly.  
  
"Kaci, why don't you tell them why you're here," Ross urged.  
  
"Well," Kaci began slowly, "As you can see, I'm pregnant. The baby's father doesn't want to be involved and I decided I couldn't raise him on my own so.I'm giving the baby up for adoption. Ross has told me a lot about you guys and I was wondering if, maybe.you'd like to adopt the baby. You really sound like the kind of family I'd like him to be in."  
  
Monica and Chandler looked at each other, grinning happily. "We've wanted another baby for so long." Chandler finally said, "But the waiting list.it's so long."  
  
"Well, I'd like this to be a private adoption," Kaci said, "And you're first on my list."  
  
One Month Later  
  
"Matthew," Chandler said softly.  
  
"Huh?" said Monica, confused. Kaci had just given birth to a gorgeous baby boy. Monica and Chandler had been able to sit by her side the whole time. Now, Kaci was in her hospital room and Monica and Chandler were in another room with the new baby.  
  
"Matthew, that's what we should name him. It means 'gift from God'"  
  
Monica smiled, "Matthew Bing. Oh, Chandler, I love it. And it fits.he's certainly a gift." "Matthew Bing." Chandler marveled and kissed his new son, "We need a middle name."  
  
"Why don't we let Kaci pick it?" Monica suggested.  
  
Chandler nodded and smiled and they walked to Kaci's room. "Kaci?" Chandler asked, "We'd like you to pick Matthew's middle name."  
  
"Matthew? That's his name?" They nodded, "It's beautiful," she sighed. "And you really want me to pick the middle name?"  
  
Monica smiled, "We'd love it if you would."  
  
"Well," Kaci said softly, "Then I choose.Ross. Matthew Ross. Because Ross helped me find the perfect family for my baby."  
  
Monica and Chandler smiled softly at that. Ross was fading fast. He was weeks away from death. Having a baby named after him seemed appropriate, no matter what his past mistakes were. "Matthew Ross," they smiled together. "It's perfect."  
  
Two Weeks Later So it'd finally come to this. Ross's funeral. Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Juliana and Mike were sobbing. Rachel, however, wasn't crying. She was beyond tears. Ross had died peacefully, in his sleep, a few days before, so she was slightly comforted by that. The funeral went on, and people spoke, but Rachel was scarcely listening. She was trying hard not to remember this Ross. The Ross she wanted to remember was the one she'd married, the Ross who'd been her best friend. She wanted to remember Ross the way he was the day Josh and Gracie were born. She wanted to remember the Ross she had once loved.  
  
There was a small gathering after the funeral and Rachel knew she had to attend. For hours she shook hands and let people tell them how sorry they were. People kept asking where Josh and Gracie were and Rachel found it annoying that she had to tell people they didn't know their dad over and over. In truth, none of the kids had come. Josh and Gracie didn't know Ross was their dad and it'd been agreed they wouldn't find out just now. Rachel was glad. She was explaining enough to strangers.  
  
Rachel finally arrived home and collapsed on the couch. Finally, she had a little time to think. As much as she hated to admit it, she was finally at peace. There'd be no more worrying about Ross. There'd be no more wondering if he was cheating on her, if he had other kids someplace else. She was grieving because at one time, she had loved Ross. But she knew she had to let some things go. And she was finally at peace. Rachel moved over on the couch and suddenly felt paper crunch underneath her. She reached behind the cushion and pulled out an envelope marked "Rachel". She opened it.  
  
Dearest Rachel, If there had been any way for me to take back those eight years, I would have, in a heartbeat. But we both know what's done is done. For what it's worth, I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that during all that time, I never stopped loving you. And it wasn't your fault, it never was. You did nothing wrong.  
  
I may not be able to take back the past, but I'd like to make your future better, hopefully. Please don't hesitate to find somebody else to love. You deserve somebody amazing who will treat you a lot better than I did. If he'd like to adopt Josh and Gracie, that's fine too. You've done an amazing job with them, Rachel. They're wonderful children.  
  
Monica mentioned that you might be interested in moving out to Scarsdale, since she and Chandler are moving out there soon. I know I haven't sent child support or anything, since I left it all in the bank, but I still want to give you one last gift. Enclosed in this letter is a check, no strings attached. I checked out some of the houses near the one Monica and Chandler bought and the check is more than enough to buy one of them. You can spend it on the house or whatever else you want. Anything that makes you happy.  
  
You're an amazing mother and friend, Rachel. How you were able to let me back into your life, I'll never know. You're a much bigger person than I am, I can tell you that. Thank you for everything. You gave me my life, and though I know I screwed it up, it doesn't change the fact that, for many years, you made me the happiest man alive. You are the most wonderful woman on Earth, Rachel. Never forget that. I love you.  
  
Love,  
  
Ross Rachel smiled to herself. Did she still love Ross? Not really. He'd hurt her to much for that. But she'd made her peace with him. She was finally happy. Smiling, she looked up towards the sky. "Thank you, Ross," she whispered under her breath, "Thank you."  
  
There will be a epilouge...but only if you review! THANKS! 


	11. Epilogue

Well...here it is! Making Peace is done...however, so many people wanted Ross not to die, that I might rewrite chapters four and on...let me know what you think and if I should do that, okay? PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
Epilogue: Four Years Later  
  
"Come on, son, you can do it buddy!" Chandler cheered furiously as his son tore the football away from his cousin. "Come on, touchdown!"  
  
Monica shook her head as her husband cheered at the Gorham/Bing/Tribbiani/Hannigan children football game. Chandler had never shown much interest in football before, but the second his sons and daughter were doing any sort of sport, he was there to watch. She glanced at Joey and Mike who were sitting next to Chandler, cheering their own kids on. "It's really a pretty unfair football game," Juliana said as she came up next to Monica, carrying a tray of brownies.  
  
Monica smiled, as the football game consisted of kids aged four to fourteen. "Well, they wanted everybody involved," she said laughing.  
  
It was almost four years after Ross' death. In time, the grief over losing Ross had subsided and all four families had begun to live again. It'd been hard for awhile and Rachel still grieved occasionally, but they were all happier knowing Ross was out of pain. All the families had bought houses in Scarsdale and were enjoying typical suburbia life. Monica, personally, loved her life. She and Chandler had decided three kids was enough for them and they enjoyed every second they had with ten-year-old Emma, eight-year-old Zachary and four-year-old Matthew. Phoebe and Mike had also settled on just the three kids, but Joey and Juliana had had their fifth baby, a now one-year-old girl named Kayley.  
  
And Rachel? Well, she was finally happy again. She'd moved on and married an amazing guy named Chris White, who Josh and Gracie absolutely loved. Chris had adopted both kids and they were a very happy family. Rachel had told Josh and Gracie about their dad, and they'd been a little mad that they'd met him and hadn't known he was their dad. But, gradually they'd accepted it. Rachel smiled at she glanced at the football game her kids were playing in. Chris had joined the other dads and was cheering for Josh and Gracie's team. Rachel's grin grew ever broader as she glanced down at the scrapbook on her lap. They'd had to redo the first two pages after some family changes had taken place.  
  
Joshua Alexander Geller-White  
  
Grace Isabella Geller-White  
  
Emma Gabrielle Bing  
  
Zachary Joseph Bing  
  
Matthew Ross Bing  
  
Heath Michael Hannigan  
  
Lillie Faith Hannigan  
  
Ryan Erick Hannigan  
  
Nicholas Chandler Tribbiani  
  
Jackson Anthony Tribbiani  
  
Christopher Raymond Tribbiani  
  
Robert James Tribbiani  
  
Kayley Hope Tribbiani  
  
Rachel turned the page.  
  
Rachel and Chris Geller-White  
  
Chandler and Monica Bing  
  
Michael and Phoebe Hannigan  
  
Joseph and Juliana Tribbiani  
  
And at the bottom of the page, in gold lettering, it read:  
  
*In Loving Memory of Ross Geller* 


End file.
